Issue #223: Can of Corn
Updated: Jul 4
By Derrick Ernst
October 30, 2025
Candyman
Happy Halloween Eve! We’re going to have some fun today. In TDF’s 1st season I did a comparison issue for every holiday that called for it. By comparison, I mean comparing fantasy performances to something pertaining to that holiday. That season for Halloween I compared players to classic scary characters. For Thanksgiving, I compared players to classic food dishes. Today we’re comparing YTD performances to classic candy (and their slogans). Question of the day before diving in, which do you prefer more, chocolate or sugar candy? I’m more of the former. Always have been, always will be. Chocolate is also how I define “candy” so that probably has something to do with it too. Anyways, I hope you enjoy today’s issue and if you need an excuse to have a piece or two of your favorite guilty pleasure, let this be every bit of it.
Butterfinger
"Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger!"
Player: Cam Ward, TEN
“Butterfingers!” The classic diss of any childhood pickup game. What’s the one result that comes to mind that accompanies the diss? Fumbles, and Cam Ward has a lot of them. He’s actually T3 in the league with five behind B. Mayfield and and Tua (who both have six), but what separates Ward from everyone else is that he has lost 100% of those fumbles. No one else has lost more than three. Ward just can’t seem to get out of his own way and through eight games into his career, he’s fantasy’s 31st ranked QB.
Skittles
"Taste the rainbow"
Player: DK Metcalf, PIT
Why DK for Skittles? Let’s start here:
Only a few colors of the rainbow remain. Literally. A few years ago DK was famous for saying that he supplemented his one meal a day with three-plus bags of candy with one of his favorites being Skittles Gummies. I believe he has refined his diet a bit since then, but DK is a walking billboard of, “You are what you eat.”
Snickers
"You're not you when you're hungry"
Player: Ja’Marr Chase, CIN
The more I age, the more I understand the importance of brining snacks when I go out and about. Well, it’s more like my wife knows I’ll need a snack so she brings something extra for me as well. Let’s be honest, we all feel better with a little substance in the stomach. I think Chase forgot to have his pregame meal weeks 1, 3 and 4:
Source: Fantasy Footballers
It’s no surprise either that in each of those weeks he failed to see double-digit targets (he has in all the others). We all know what Chase is capable of (and all other stud WRs) and yet even he is good for a few duds each season. That’s kind of funny to think about — when you have someone like Chase, it feels like a disservice to not get him the ball more than anyone else on your team. From a fantasy perspective, these disservices do you a lot of harm. You’re in big trouble when the 15+ points you were counting on turn out to be single digits. That’s a lot of room for others on your team to make up.
Whatchamacallit
"It’s more than a mouthful-it’s Whatchamacallit!"
Player: Jacory Croskey-Merritt, WSH
Hot take, the Whatchamacallit is the most underrated candy bar there is. It’s also the biggest mouthful of a candy bar in the market. Almost as big as mouthful as WSH’s RB1. I knew JCM was the guy for this candy when Joe Buck/Troy Aikman fumbled over his name every time he touched the ball the other night. I don’t blame them, it certainly doesn’t roll off the tongue. It doesn’t on mine either. It also doesn’t help that half the time he goes by Bill and the other half, Jacory. When the majority of the world has a first and last name, having to juggle four names is a mistake waiting to happen.
Reese’s
“There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s"
Player: Jalen Hurts, PHI
Hot take x2, there are too many Reese’s products.
Hot take x3, too many of one thing takes away from the joy that was that thing that put it on the map.
Source: YouTube (PageBros)
I mean, that’s just ridiculous, but you gotta hand it to the marketing team in that they’re leaning into their slogan. I’ve only tried a fraction of those in the photo and yet I continue to think the OG Reese cup rules all. So what is it about Hurts and Reese’s? He gets the job done in more ways than perhaps anyone else in the league. Kind of like there’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s. So far this season, Hurts has had a game with:
300+ yards passing
4 passing TDs
60+ yards rushing
2 rushing TDs
83% completion percentage
Here’s something I wasn’t aware of, Hurts has finished as QB9 or better every year as a full-time starter. Two of those seasons have been top-three. I suppose that’s what happens when you’re a quasi-RB. If the NFL ever bans the tush push (I believe they will), Hurts will undoubtedly be impacted the most. Until then, he’ll continue doing all the things.
Weather
There are only a few instances each season that weather truly is a factor, but if you’re one that likes to stay in the know or is simply curious about what the weather conditions are going to be for a game, check out this site I came across:
It’s a bit plain Jane, but packed with neat content. If you click on the “Read More” button for a matchup, it’ll bring you to even more details. The coolest thing of all is that the site has historical data dating back to 2009. If you were ever curious about what weather conditions were like for that 2013 week 15 matchup between CHI and CLE, look no further.
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